Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Footprints...When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you.

Today marks the third anniversary of my Grammie (Barbara Boczanowski) who passed away.  It made me think about a ton of different things today. First was how lucky I feel to have such an amazing angel watching over me. During my chemotherapy treatment everyday’s a long struggle, physically and mentally draining. With all of this the only thing I believe that gets me through this isn’t just my support by friends and family but also those watching over me. My grandmother was an amazing woman always helping others and involved in everything. One thing she loved being a part of was The Catholic Daughters church group. I’m not heavily into my religion but because of her I do believe she’s in heaven with God watching over me. I feel so blessed to have such an angel. Another thing that crossed my mind was what she thought of all of this. She didn’t live to see me diagnosed and battling cancer but she’s in heaven watching down on me, what could she possibly think of all of this? I thought of how much it saddens her to know her 20-year-old granddaughter is battling leukemia. On the other hand I reflected on how proud she would be of me. She must be so amazed by me going through what I go through everyday. She would love how involved I am with spreading cancer awareness and inspiring others. Mostly she would be so proud of me for being a survivor. As much as I miss her I can’t help but to think she’s there in heaven for a reason, to guide me through all of this. I can fight as hard as I can but cancer is a disease that’s out of my control and it’s a relief to know my grandmother is watching over me. I feel like anytime my treatment has a difficult part I somehow amazingly always make it through and I owe that all to my beautiful Grammie, my angel in heaven.
*My grandmothers from both sides of my family* to the right is Grammie, RIP<3

My Grammie isn’t the only angel I have though I have five others; Kristie, Kaylee, Nahge, Seshu and Avalanna. In the past two years I’ve met so many friends from The Jimmy Fund and the harsh reality is being a survivor you watch a lot of your friends sadly pass away from cancer. It gets really frustrating to see them fight so hard but lose their battle because of this terrible disease. The Jimmy Fund is an amazing group we support each other like no other and the bond is instant no matter gender, age, or type of cancer. It’s the closest bond I’ve actually had with anyone. I’ve gained a lot from all of this heartache however. I’ve been given a bigger reason to fight and a greater reason to spread awareness. I miss all of my friends dearly and going into clinic isn’t the same without their smiling faces. I like to believe I’m living my life for them and they are all in return watching over me.

*picture of Nahge, Rachel & I*