My last Christmas on Chemo!

Quick Update: 

    I know I haven’t written much on here lately, sometimes It’s overwhelming to write and explain all my thoughts. On Friday it marked two years since I’ve been diagnosed. That day I can’t get out of my mind because that day two years ago I remember it clearly up until hearing the most devastating words “you have cancer”. It makes me think a lot about all the pain I experienced but mostly all the great things that came out from this. One being now I have a full head of hair that I love. It’s more than just hair to me, it’s a symbol of what I’ve overcome, every inch of it was earned. I can’t wait to someday have it grow long enough to donate for another young girl battling cancer.

    Also on Friday I went into clinic for Acupuncture. It helps with most of my side effects on my maintenance chemotherapy. Nausea, headaches, anxiety and my sleep problems are slowly getting better from this. And no the needles don’t hurt at all I suggest it for anyone who is battling cancer or anyone with migraines. After my appointment I went up to 6^thNorth the floor I was inpatient during most of my treatment. One of my nurses Linda remembered that today was the date I got diagnosed two years ago. I didn’t expect her to even remember that date but now thinking about it I don’t doubt that any of the nurses forget. They truly love their jobs and have spent so much time with each family that they became apart of ours. I love visiting 6^th north and the doctors and nurses love it that much more seeing their patients conquer cancer and back to a normal life.

    And today being Christmas Eve I can’t believe how blessed I am. Christmas two years ago was not how I ever want to spend a Christmas like ever again. Instead of opening presents I received my first chemo ever on Christmas morning.  I didn’t understand or appreciate how the only important thing is spending the holiday with all of my family healthy. It’s so amazing I can’t even explain.

  

    I’d like to lastly mention the New Year, 2013, is going to bring big changes to my life. Starting January 11 I will be starting my 2^nd to last chemo cycle, EVER! I can’t believe I’m so close to the finish line. Each cycle is 84 days just knowing I’m two cycles away from beating this motivates to just push through as much as I can. So far Fourth of July is my last day of chemo, best believe I’m counting down the days!

I truly wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a happy HEALTHY New Year<3

Footprints...When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you.

Today marks the third anniversary of my Grammie (Barbara Boczanowski) who passed away.  It made me think about a ton of different things today. First was how lucky I feel to have such an amazing angel watching over me. During my chemotherapy treatment everyday’s a long struggle, physically and mentally draining. With all of this the only thing I believe that gets me through this isn’t just my support by friends and family but also those watching over me. My grandmother was an amazing woman always helping others and involved in everything. One thing she loved being a part of was The Catholic Daughters church group. I’m not heavily into my religion but because of her I do believe she’s in heaven with God watching over me. I feel so blessed to have such an angel. Another thing that crossed my mind was what she thought of all of this. She didn’t live to see me diagnosed and battling cancer but she’s in heaven watching down on me, what could she possibly think of all of this? I thought of how much it saddens her to know her 20-year-old granddaughter is battling leukemia. On the other hand I reflected on how proud she would be of me. She must be so amazed by me going through what I go through everyday. She would love how involved I am with spreading cancer awareness and inspiring others. Mostly she would be so proud of me for being a survivor. As much as I miss her I can’t help but to think she’s there in heaven for a reason, to guide me through all of this. I can fight as hard as I can but cancer is a disease that’s out of my control and it’s a relief to know my grandmother is watching over me. I feel like anytime my treatment has a difficult part I somehow amazingly always make it through and I owe that all to my beautiful Grammie, my angel in heaven.

*My grandmothers from both sides of my family* to the right is Grammie, RIP<3

My Grammie isn’t the only angel I have though I have five others; Kristie, Kaylee, Nahge, Seshu and Avalanna. In the past two years I’ve met so many friends from The Jimmy Fund and the harsh reality is being a survivor you watch a lot of your friends sadly pass away from cancer. It gets really frustrating to see them fight so hard but lose their battle because of this terrible disease. The Jimmy Fund is an amazing group we support each other like no other and the bond is instant no matter gender, age, or type of cancer. It’s the closest bond I’ve actually had with anyone. I’ve gained a lot from all of this heartache however. I’ve been given a bigger reason to fight and a greater reason to spread awareness. I miss all of my friends dearly and going into clinic isn’t the same without their smiling faces. I like to believe I’m living my life for them and they are all in return watching over me.

*picture of Nahge, Rachel & I*

What doesn't kill you TRULY makes you stronger...

Yesterday marks my one-year of being cancer free! Looking back to last year I honestly couldn’t think of how I was going to make it through all of this. I wish I could say giving up never crossed my mind but anyone fighting cancer, my family and friends know there were a few times it did. Beating cancer seemed unthinkable. Everyday the mental and physical pain of my illness increased.  Seeing my loved ones watch me go through this gave them the pain too as if they were also fighting. I would try so hard to only show my positive side because I didn’t want anyone seeing me so scared too. Everyday I somehow got through it mostly for them. On February 10 2011 is the day my oncologist told me I reached remission. I was so happy I couldn’t even believe it. Although it meant I still had to finish my 2 years of treatment, it gave me a huge push to keep going. I had beaten cancer, now all I had to do was endure the side effects and keep up with my chemotherapy. Now one year later it AMAZES me how everyday dragged on and seemed never ending. How you can’t even begin to think of how you’ll make it through these curves life throws at you. Also its crazy to think a year has past just like that. I’m so thankful for my family and friends who pushed me everyday. Beating this has been more positive than negative. So what that cancer temporarily took my hair and life. Hair grows back and my life has only now changed for the better. I’ve truly never felt so happy in my life. Cancer made me appreciate everything and everyone. It also helped me with my future. I know I want to work with children and be a child life specialist. It’s an emotional job but no one can relate to them as much as I can. I want to help them overcome this and give them hope! Being diagnosed with Leukemia was a day I’ll never forget, but how it’s impacted my life, family’s life and friends it’s been a blessing. Cancer has definitely given me way more than it has taken and for that I’m so thankful!