Heaven couldn't wait for you...

I can't believe it's been 5 years without you Grammie. I have been thinking about you lot lately since it's your anniversary date. Tons of thoughts crossed my mind. I really appreciate you showing us our entire childhood how devoted an involved you were in your religion. I wouldn't consider myself religious but you always somehow kept me believing. It made me realize I'm like you in a lot of ways. One way is I'm dedicated to my new beginning of being spiritual and I keep it the center of my life lately, it may not be the same religion you followed but I know either way you'd respect me. You also volunteered so much and it's something I enjoy myself. Helping others and also creating cancer awareness is a passion of mine. 

This sparked another thought. I saw when you past away that you wrote checks donating money to the leukemia and lymphoma society and I couldn't help but be so thankful because those donations are what saved my life. Without that money the doctors wouldn't have the amazing chemo treatments for me that they did. It's a great feeling to know you gave to something that changed my life forever. 

I really wish you were still around when I went through cancer because I know how much you'd help us by taking care of me. Mom would have time to go do errands or pick up my meds, give her a little break while dad works, and you could of watched me and I know you'd enjoy that. Although you weren't physically there I felt you there. The times I almost gave up someone in heaven clearly helped me have the strength for another day, and I know that angel was you. 

I'll always remember you making crafts, playing dominoes or cards, & going to church. We miss you! 

Also I've realized I might seem quiet at first but just like you I have some sass :)

Camp changed my life...

           

    Last June for the first time I got to volunteer at Camp Sunshine in Maine, a camp for families going through cancer. It's a place where they can finally let go of their worries and forget that the word cancer is even apart of their daily lives. It's a place where everyone understands and just gets it. Being a survivor I know how meeting anyone who just gets it, how much that means to me. The environment is amazing and inspiring. When I first got there I had no idea what to expect because I was still on my own chemotherapy treatment, I didn't even know if I could participate in all the activities or how I would feel. Luckily I knew my treatment was close to the end and that motivated me to just go no matter how horrible of chemo side effects I would have. At camp I stayed with my sister whose gone every year to this camp and her friends from back home. I also met other volunteers from all different towns. The families are from all over the country and I've made lifelong friendships from this one week. The one I really want to talk about is a young boy named Dylan who just passed away yesterday. I first met Dylan because I was a counselor for the 9-12 year olds at camp and he was one of my campers. I could tell Dylan was tired so sometimes I would sit with him an just chat while activities were going on. Dylan had a huge heart, I wish I could describe to you how kind he was it was just so unforgettable how young but how wise this young boy was. He cared so much about others. During one of the sessions it was time for me to take all my medications & chemo's and Dylan noticed and asked what they all were for so I told him how I'm a cancer patient as well. Instantly he started asking about my Leukemia and treatments and I was shocked at how mature this young boy was. I felt like I was connecting with an adult just casually exchanging our cancer stories. Dylan and I both went to pediatric cancer clinics so most of the kids treated are younger than us and I know talking to me helped Dylan because there wasn't anyone that mature or close in age for him to just talk to. Although I only knew Dylan for a week our chats weren't long but were very meaningful. Meeting him and all the families at Camp Sunshine changed my life. Another amazing opportunity that has shaped me forever. Please Keep Dylan's Family and my Camp Sunshine Family in your prayers. Dylan had battled cancer for more than half his life and was too young. The only thing that can make this situation better is knowing he is finally at peace and no longer suffering. The lives he has impacted through his kindness has inspired me even more to not only be nice to everyone I meet but to keep fighting for cancer awareness and most importantly a CURE.

RIP Dylan you will be forever missed by us all, we love you.

Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom

I haven't written in a while on my Blog because school has taken over my life and during my free time I sometimes don't know what to post. Life after cancer is a roller coaster that still haunts me every day somehow. Some days are good, but most days however I am reminded with the loss of friends, life and left with the emotions from that. I have been thinking a lot about the many friends I’ve watched die from cancer and I know they are finally at peace which helps the thought process. I knew I wanted a tattoo not only to represent them, but cancer awareness as well. With tattoos, I would usually want one in a place not so visible but for this tattoo I wanted the world to see it. I can say with full confidence that in 10, 20, and even 50 years from now I will not regret this visible tattoo on my wrist. Cancer left a permanent scar, so this tattoo being permanent is nothing compared to that. I want nothing more in this world than cancer awareness and if I could tattoo it on my forehead, you bet I would. I even considered getting Fuck Cancer tatted on me because with what I have been through that is exactly how I feel. If it was socially acceptable, it would have been a no brainer. But instead I got the awareness ribbon and one of my favorite quotes that I need daily to remind me that every obstacle is an opportunity: “Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom”. This tattoo means the world to me.

Also in exactly 15 hours I will be in Las Vegas for Stupid Cancers OMG 2014 Young Adult Cancer Conference with 500 other survivors plus their caregivers. I cannot wait & I will try to blog day to day! With school finals coming up a vacation is very NEEDED!